How to Say “No” (nicely) in 3 Steps
How often does someone come to you with an “urgent” request and gut instantly says, “There’s no way,” yet somehow the word “Sure!” slips out of your mouth? Why do we do this to ourselves?!
We all want to be helpful at work, but saying “yes” to every request often leads to stress, late nights, and lower-quality work.
Today, I want to help you learn how to protect your time and your relationships by learning how to say “no” in a way that doesn’t shut down the conversation or your desire to be helpful.
Below, you’ll find a quick intro video, followed by a simple 3-step script you can use when a deadline or request isn’t realistic, plus sample phrases for different scenarios so you can put it into practice right away.
3-Step Script
1. Validate their request. Show you’re on the same team.
“Thanks for bringing this to me. I can see why this feels urgent.”
“Thanks for sharing. I’d love to help.”
“Thanks for thinking of me for this. It sounds important.”
2. Provide visibility to competing priorities.
“I’m working on a few other important projects this week as well with tight deadlines.”
“I’m also focused on [project/task] this week.”
“I’m currently committed to finalizing [project/task] by Friday.”
3. Offer two options. Keep it collaborative, not combative.
If it’s your boss:
“Happy to shift priorities. To meet this deadline, I’ll need to move [project/task] to next week. Does that feel like the right tradeoff to you?”
“Absolutely, I can shift to this. To meet the deadline, which would you prefer I pause or push to next week: [project/task] or [other project]?”
If it’s a peer or partner:
“I’d love to give this the attention it deserves. With that in mind, the earliest I can deliver something strong is Tuesday. Will that work, or do you need a draft version sooner?”
“I can deliver a light version by Friday, or a high-quality version by next Wednesday. What do you prefer?”
“I won’t be able to give this the quality it deserves by Friday. If the deadline is firm, we could involve [person/team] or adjust the timeline. Which route makes more sense?”
Following these three steps helps you build trust and collaboration, while also protecting capacity and quality. Remember, you’re not saying “no,” you’re helping prioritize and creating clarity around what’s realistic.
Great leaders don’t just accept timelines, they shape them.
Be bold and clear. Everyone benefits in the end.
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One character trait that I value most is being service-minded, always being willing to help and step in to serve others. And while I value and love this, it can also get me into trouble.
Sometimes I commit too quickly. I maybe overcommit, and then I, I feel that sense of regret immediately after because I know that either it is going to be very difficult to execute on this or I'm going to have to sacrifice something else that's important to me in order to deliver.
And I see many of my clients struggle with this as well, often overachievers or service-minded folks.
If that's you, if you can resonate with what I'm explaining, I want you to go check out a simple script that I'm providing today on the blog post with this video that will walk you through ways that you potentially can respond, especially to urgent requests from others, whether it's your boss or a peer, another stakeholder, how you can respond in a way that will feel good to both them and to you, and hopefully keep you out of those muddy waters where you have overcommitted.