The Hidden Cause of Workplace Frustration

Ever find yourself frustrated with a boss, employee, or colleague because they didn't do what you expected?

Here's a question worth asking: Did they actually know what you were expecting?

Unspoken expectations are often at the root of unnecessary frustration and misunderstandings, both at work and at home. And sometimes, we're so focused on what someone else didn't do that we overlook our own role in the miscommunication.

In this week's Two-Minute Tip, I'm sharing a personal story and two simple questions to ask yourself the next time someone lets you down.

Because people can't meet expectations they don't know exist!

• Read the video transcript

  My husband and I recently celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary.

  We went out on a great date, had a wonderful evening together, and then not even 24 hours later, found ourselves in a pretty big fight. Great timing too, because he was just about to leave halfway around the world for work the next morning.

  But as we worked through it, we realized neither of us had bad intentions. We just had different hopes and expectations of the other person that, big surprise, we had not clearly communicated.

  And here's the deal, this same thing happens at work all the time as well.

  We're frustrated because our boss didn't give us the support that we were hoping for. Or we're irritated because our employee didn't take the initiative that we hoped they would on that project.

  Or maybe we're disappointed that our colleague didn't follow through in the way that we wanted them to.

  But here's the question I want you to ask yourself. Did they actually know what you were expecting?

  Because oftentimes we get so frustrated when people aren't meeting our expectations. But if we back up, we realize, ooh, we maybe never clearly communicated them. We assumed they would know.

  And if we haven't communicated those expectations or those hopes, that's on us, not them. So here's my challenge for you this week. If you find yourself frustrated or disappointed or let down by a colleague this week, I want you to pause and ask yourself: One, what exactly was I hoping for from this person?

  What was my expectation?

  And then two, have I actually clearly communicated that expectation? On a scale from one to five, how likely is it that they know what I was hoping for? Five being yes, for sure they know, one being, ooh, they have no clue.

  And if the answer to that second question is that they are at a three or less, then you need to start with a conversation, not frustration.

  Because people can't meet expectations they don't know exist. Unfortunately, people can't read our minds, not at home and definitely not at work.