Don’t Be a Backseat Manager

I'm fairly certain I've entered one of the most terrifying stages of parenting: sitting in the passenger seat while your teenager learns to drive.

Thankfully, my daughter is doing a fantastic job. But even so, there have definitely been a few moments where I've had to resist the urge to point out every little thing she could do differently (or wished I had resisted the urge).

As it turns out, learning to keep my mouth shut has been just as much a lesson for me as learning to drive has been for her.

In this week's Two-Minute Tip, I share a few leadership lessons I've been learning from the passenger seat, including:

• Why great leaders don't overwhelm people with constant feedback. They observe more than they critique and focus on the major things, not the minor ones.

• How to tell the difference between a matter of preference and a matter of performance.

• Why building confidence is every bit as important as building competence.

Whether you're coaching a new employee, developing a future leader, or (like me) humbly fumbling your way through parenthood, I hope this one gives you something to think about.

• Read the video transcript

  Well, I'm pretty sure I have entered one of the most terrifying phases of parenting, and that is when your oldest gets their driver's permit, and you are sitting in the passenger seat and have no control over what's happening. Now, I will say my daughter is doing an excellent job driving, so thankfully she's very thoughtful, meticulous, and is doing great, but it is still very scary. So through this process, I'm learning a few things that absolutely apply to leadership.

  The first is that when we are teaching somebody something, we tend to overwhelm them with feedback. And if I give her too many critiques while she's driving, it's just too much for her to absorb, and it ruins the entire experience. And so leaders, when you are coaching and teaching an employee, force yourself to focus more on observing than critiquing. Give them space and time to learn and correct themselves.

   Make sure you are focusing on the major things, not all the little minor things.

  And consider before you give feedback, is it a matter of preference or performance? Because I will say my husband and I have different preferences for how driving should happen, and so it's interesting to see the different tips we will give her and when they contradict. And so before you give feedback to an employee, think about, "Is this just a preference of mine, or is it actually an issue of performance that I need to address?"

  Please don't become the nitpicking manager that nobody wants to hear from anymore.

  And then second, focus on building confidence in them as much as you are focused on building competence. If my daughter becomes a competent driver but has no confidence, that's going to impact her ability to drive well. It's the same thing with employees. They need to be building confidence at the same time as they're building competence.

  So make sure you are giving plenty of positive affirmation, that you are calling out the things that they are doing well,

  and that they feel like you believe in them and their ability to succeed.

  So maybe you need to pretend like you are in the passenger seat, they are in the driver's seat, and you are going to let them take the wheel and figure some things out on their own with a little less correction from you,

  a lot more positive affirmation, and a focus on the things that really matter, not all the little nitpicky things in between.