Don’t Be Like the Middle School Boys

What do middle school boys and today's workforce have in common? More than you might think.

It comes down to this challenge: a lack of courage to have direct, face-to-face conversations.

At work, when frustration builds, too many people vent to others, let it fester, or avoid it altogether (and it only makes things worse).

In this Two-Minute Tip, I share three better options for handling frustration with a teammate so you can move forward in a healthier, more productive way.

P.S. If you missed the story about the brave 5th-grade boy, you can find it here.

• Read the video transcript

  Well, since last week's Two-Minute Tip was about the boy who had interest in my younger daughter, I figured why not continue with this theme and talk about the boys who have interest in my older daughter because let's be honest, these leadership, team takeaways are much more fun when there's a personal story involved.

  So you heard about the younger one who came to our door to talk to my daughter and ask her to be his girlfriend . Well, what's funny is with the older daughter, the theme that we've noticed is these boys are actually too chicken to come and talk to her, so instead they communicate through other avenues.

  Now, she does not give her number out to people. She's got a very tight circle where she's allowed to communicate-- strict technology rules in our house, and she's also very thoughtful about it. So these boys now start to email her through her school email address to profess their love to her. And the funny thing is, they're boys that she doesn't even talk to at school.

  They're not friends of hers. And so she's so kind. She replies and says, "I'm sure you're very nice. I'm not actually interested, so please stop sending me these messages." Now, I'm seeing this same theme at work. I mean, a little bit different. But the theme being that, especially, not to overgeneralize, but younger generations in the workplace are lacking skills to go address things head-on.

  We've learned to address things through technology, through chat, through messenger, instead of actually going and having the real conversation. And so when there's frustration with another team member, instead of going and addressing it, what I see happen is most often talking behind backs, talking to peers about the situation, which honestly just makes it so much worse.

  That is the biggest cause of toxic work cultures, when we go talk behind backs. So if you have an issue with a teammate, you've got a couple of options. One, you can go address the situation head-on. Go have a conversation with them. Of course, go in with some openness and curiosity. You likely don't know the full situation.

  There's likely some information to be learned there and then to figure out a healthier path forward. But be like the courageous fifth-grade boy and go have the conversation. Second option, if you don't want to go have the conversation, is to let it go. Maybe assume positive intent and let it go. Truly let it go and don't talk to other people about it.

  The third option is sometimes it does make sense to escalate it. Maybe it makes sense to go discuss with HR or discuss with your manager to see how to proceed moving forward, especially if there's a pattern of behavior that is causing issue. So that could be a third option. But let's not be like the middle school boys who are too afraid to go have the conversation.

  Please go address it and give the person a chance to actually share some information that you might not be aware of and for the two of you to figure out how to move forward in a healthier way.